My Journey pt.7

January 3rd, 1999

So I guess since I feel like shit from last night, I’d lay in bed and do nothing, well except for smoking up, which always seems to be the case with me nowadays.

So about new year’s. After we had some food, we made our way to his new girlfriends place(hell if I know here name either) and the girl I spent xmas with showed up, and apparently her name is Amber( heard Jake’s chick call her by her name haha). Me and Jake were a little fucked so they thought it’d be best if we go out and get some air. We made our way to the town square. Not much was happening, so we stumble across the street to the Empress, and Mel and Jess were there. Like those are the two faces of people me and Jake wanna see. And they’re friends with Amber, so it was a bit awkward but who gives a shit, she’s just pissed cuz she had all the Steve Kimball she can handle, ha, I love me. Hangin’ out there was alright until the karaoke started. I don’t remember this part for the life of me, but as I’m told Jake fireman carried me to the stage and told them I wanted to sing Bryan Adams. I remember singing, but not being carried, well anyways. I sang two songs by him; Kids Wanna Rock and One Night Love Affair(tell me, which kind of place doesn’t carry summer of ’69, the only song I like by him?). I can only assume the laughter I received was by my awful singing voice and not because I fell over twice.

Once that was done we decided to head up that mountain in Sardis, can’t remember the name, but mountains and drugs are a good mix. Details might be a bit sketchy about what happened between me and Jake, but I’m told(by him of course) that he thought I had a problem with his girl, he got mad, I threatened to kill him and we parted ways. After that all I really remember was insisting to Amber that she should do some coke with me, and she did. We walked around in the pitch dark for what seemed like an eternity. And that’s all I really remember. I woke up New year’s Day beside a stream and almost naked, and boy was I freezing. Good thing it was like 9 degrees or we would have frozen to death.

New Year’s was a shit show too, and I don’t know what happened to Amber, but I ended up sleeping with some Steph chick or something. I dunno, but I did some acid, and that was fun. And that was pretty much it for my new year’s eve/day outing. I wish I could remember more, but I can’t so whatever. Now to get ready for work, by ready of course I mean, shower and smoke another blunt. Ciao!

January 4th, 1999

I must be bored cuz I’m watching Raw. And holy shit! Mankind just won the title!!! And Austin just screwed the Rock!!!

That was fun, now I’m off to bed. I did absolutely fuck all today, go me!

January 7th, 1999

Yay for my birthday being in 4 days. I’d say I’m gonna get right fucked, but who am I kidding, I do that every day.  Work last night was rough. I drank about two pots of coffee to myself just trying to survive. I should cut back either on drugs or not sleeping ha. Not sleeping is only fun when I’m high, which I’m not yet. Going for a nap.

I’m back muahahaha. That probably sounds better with the maniacal laugh that can’t be written but whatever. Guess I’ll sit here and wonder why I’m not high…

…I know, I know. Cuz I haven’t gotten off my ass all day, going to score, bye!!!

January 8th, 1999

Holy crap batman! Um, I mean wow, I’m fucked right now yay me. “at the drive in the old man’s porche, behind the bushes got you screaming for more, in the basement, lock the cellar door and baby, talk dirty to me” God fuck man, Poison sucks more than Chicago. Room is spinning. It’s still spinning, maybe laying on the floor will make it stop……

Nope…time to run outside and play in traffic, as my foster dad would say.

Fuck, I almost took that literally. Jaywalking while high on Old Sardis road is bad, bad news. Time to sit on the balcony with Jake and get higher.

I know I was about to write something, but now I forgot. Oh wait, I remember now.  Nope, still blank.

I know what I want to right at this moment in time. Jake’s an ass, and I should kick him. But I won’t cuz I don’t fight. I’m back, I stepped on his head cuz he would move out of my way. Now he says he needs some pills to rid himself of the pain.

Ladifuckinda is all I have to say, except go Leafs hahaha, fuck the leafs. And fuck Jake’s woman for being late with my shrooms. Bitch.  Oh, she just knocked, she’s not a bitch, and why am I correcting myself? No one will see this. Ok, I lied, I just showed Jake, but he agrees.

I rock. That is all. I just saw a red door and it got me thinking about painting it black, and now I’m singing that god awful song. I’m leaving nowwww. Ciaooo. Booyah(I couldn’t think of something that rhymed) oh, oh cow…that rhymes. And how, and plow and meow and, and cow and thou and, and, and I’m done now. See ya.

January 9th, 1999

Ugh, my head hurts. Must go to work, then I’m off until the day after my birthday. 19 and still alive, I’m happy about that. Then again what would the world do without Steve Kimball? Shit, I talk about myself in the third person like the Rock does haha. Bye. Work time.

January 14th

Man……..oh fucking man! After my last entry everything is blurry. So I’ll make a quick list of what I’ve done the past 5 days, mostly without too many details, cuz I can’t remember everything.

On the 9th went to work dropped some ecstasy. Then drank.

On the 10th went to the market in gastown in Van, and got almost beat up cuz I told a guy to fuck off for telling me he thought I was hot. Then I somehow ended up in Osayoos in the valley. I have no idea or why, but that’s where I woke up the morning of my birthday.

On the 11th, I got 2 eight balls(woohoo) and some ecstasy for my birthday along with some (presumably stolen) video games. Partied in Vancouver before making my way to the island. Now I’ve found a paper in my jeans from a mall in Victoria telling me I’m banned for stealing two mars bars and a coke…guess I didn’t check my pocket for my wallet go me.

On the 12th. Well that’s all I have for that day for now anyway.

Yesterday, I tried to relax, but then Tim showed up with Cunt( I prefer that name for her). We made our way up to Sardis so that we can have fun with his brother, but his brother is a goof, and I got out of there. Me and Jake ended up back here. Not sure what happened, but we both woke up on the floor and barely dressed and there was a note from a girl named Liz, fuck if I know, but she said thanks to us for the great night. I do rock. I really do.

So that was the past few days, I’m sure some stuff will come back to me, but whatever, I do know I had a blast. Off to maybe sleep some more, I guess.

January 16th

Work was rough yesterday, it really was. I seriously have to slow down. 4 months of drugs is taking its toll. What the fuck??? Enough with the crazy thoughts stupid brain. I hate you.

Well, I just called in sick. I went to go shower, and I fell over twice, for some reason my legs feel like rubber. Not a good sign, so I’m about to do some knives and play video games.

Ok, knives are a bad idea when you have the shakes. I have a blister on my lip and one on my chin. The one on the chin happened when I went to do a blade and I rested my elbow on the burner. I suck, I need some air. OK, air sucks. I’m dizzy now. I think I’m dying. Bye for now.

Ugh, Jake wants me to go drinking with his girl. Guess I’ll call Amber then. Need someone to hold me up. Fucker left without me, but not before he helped me have a shower. And that sounds gay. But what are buddy’s for?  I guess now I’ll chill with Amber tonight, she’s on her way over, bye!!!

January 17th

Wow, I can walk. Which is good, because it’s good being able to hold yourself up. I hate Nick’s restaurant. It has the worse food, but the hash browns rock! I wonder how it looks having a guy come in fresh from snorting coke, and asking for like 5 orders of a side of hash browns. I’m a loser, But I amazed her with my eating, to my defence though, I haven’t eaten in three days.

So I’m getting this same feeling  I got when I left Tbay to come out here. Not sure if I just wanna up and go, or wait or what. I dunno, this sucks. Going to drown myself in a tub full of vodka. Not a tub ha, just a 40. Bye.

January 18th

ob la di, ob la da. That’s how I feel at the moment. I called my foster mom today cuz its her birthday, and she was happy to know I’m alive. So was the rest of the family. I always thought it was cool to be lonely, and now I hate it. I miss them more than anything. I hate my life. See ya later alligator!

I’m back. And I don’t hate my life now. Got some pcp to put in a dube so I’m happy.

Fuccckkkk meeeee! I shouldn’t do this alone. But whatever, Jake is on his way home with Pizza, so I’ll manage.

Mmmmmm, pizza is good, even though it feels like I’m dreamin’. Maybe this is a dream, and I’m writing in my dream. Nope no dream. Pen just exploded in my mouth while I was thinking if it was a dream. Got a sharpie now and it looks funny writing with it.

Jake just punched me hard in the kidney cuz I told him too. Either he hits like a girl, or I’m incredibly high, cuz it tickles. Time to run out and run my way to that place your supposed to run too, not sure if it’s the running place, but I gotta run. bye!!!

January 21st

I’m alive!!!!!! And I just misplaced a couple of days. Whatever. I gotta go to work.

Works sucks. I’m home now and work sucks. I hate work, it sucks. I must remind myself to either win the lottery or marry rich. It’s good to have goals in life.

Tim rocks. He calls me up to tell me he knows a guy who can hook him up with people for sex for money. What a loser. I’m not up for that. Talk to me in ten years though, I might be on the streets strung out on heroine and selling myself for a fix, go me. Goodnight.

January 22nd

So. This is me. I’m only happy when high or drunk or having sex. Guess that’s what I chose for myself, so whatever. I got told today I can have the night off, but I argued that I need the hours(just an excuse for me to get of the apartment), they caved in and let me work. I got fucked on grill though. Stupid mistake on my part deciding to work on a friday night but whatever. This new guy working, think his name is Andrew or something dropped a pair of tongs in the fryer, covered part of his arm with 400 degree oil and then proceded to wipe it with a rag. Worse thing one can do when they burn themselves. And man, he peeled some skin off with the rag . Not something I wanna see again.

And now that I’m sitting here bored, I may as well go to bed, it’s like 1:40 am. And since Jake is busy catching up on his sleep, I may as well catch up on mine.

January 23rd

It’s 6:30 pm and I just woke up.

It’s 7:30 pm and I’m laying here half dead. Think I’m gonna sleep some more.

January 24th

Holy shit. It’s 11:30 am and I’m finally awake. I guess I slept most of yesterday. Which is good cuz I have a party to go to. Should be fun. Tim and his buddy Zeke are coming and Jake is trying to ditch his girl for it. I’m going for lunch now. See ya!

Yes!!! Shrooms are kicking in and got me some pcp to smoke. I’m happy, kinda like that dwarf from Snow White only I’m not a cartoon character even though this feeling I have right now is telling me otherwise. Back to the fridge maybe? Maybe I have food, maybe not. Either way, I’m going to the fridge.

Nope, no food and this is getting harder and harder and harder and harder to write. I should probably stop, but I won’t, mainly cuz I’m waiting for people to show up. The waiting game sucks big time. It’s like how you feel when you’re waiting for a bus or something, that whole “hurry the fuck up already” feeling you get. That’s how me feeling at the moment.

January 25th

Well that was fun. It’s like 7 or so pm and I’m just getting home. I forgot I had to work today, so Amber is gonna make up a fake doctor’s note so that I have an excuse for not going in. Guess that’s the joy of partying a lot, it effects your life.

So we ended up not going to the party we were supposed to go to. We ended up in Whistler at a hotel. Nothing says fun like staying in a place full of rich snobs while being totally fucked up. Night skiing was the plan, but due to me not being physically or mentally capable of doing it I didn’t go. So me and this Zeke guy hung out in the room all night waiting for everyone to get back. They didn’t. Apparently, at least from what Amber told me today, Jake and Tim and this other guy got in a fight with the chairlift operator, and cops were called and they got hauled off to the drunk tank for the night, ya, cuz, you know, they were drunk haha. So my night was spent with a weirdo I hardly knew and Amber. I think he was creeping on her, but whatever, I wasn’t worried. He’s like Jed Clampett’s son, only not big like him, just a dork.

And now I’m off to sleep. It would probably seem lame to me cuz I’m in bed by 8, but hey, it’s not cuz I’m not a wuss, it’s cuz I haven’t slept in a day and a half. Bye!

January 28th

Kamloops is lame. It really is. Amber wanted to go up to see her brother and invited me to go. It would have been better had he not been hitting on me the whole time. She decides she wants to go see her dad after the fact that I dropped some ecstasy, so she insisted I stay with her brother, cuz he won’t hate on me for being high….oh no, instead he’ll just try to take advantage of me. Fucker. She could have at least warned me that he was gay or whatever, at least I would have been prepared instead of feeling awkward all night. Oh well. All I kept thinking was if garlic and holy water, or a stake to the heart would fend him off. Ha, that’d be funny, me throwing garlic at a gay guy. When she finally got back, we decided to get a hotel room instead of staying at her brother’s place. I played up the whole “I don’t wanna intrude” angle, and she bought it, but I’m sure he knew haha.

I think it would have been more fun up there to party and shit, instead of visiting family, which of course, were her intentions, so I only have me to blame for a lame ass time. Time to work, ciao!

January 29th

Yay for me almost taking my thumb off at work last night. I got a slight steam burn on it, which made it hurt. But what did it for me was putting a knife down on it. Note to Self: Never ever, ever look at the doc pulling your thumb apart so he can apply some glue or whatever it is to a cut(guess stitches are too much work). I fainted from seeing the inside of my finger like that. Good news is though I won’t scar from it.

Just got back in from shopping. It’s nice to spend money I don’t have, it’s even nicer to have a mastercard to be able to do so. I’d almost feel bad for dropping 130 bucks on a pair of shoes, but man these DC’s are the shit. Also, the new Final Fantasy game is the shit. Too bad my left thumb is currently hanging here totally idle, or I’d actually play it instead of watching the cinematic opening for it. This is lame….time go get high.

Can’t even roll a joint. Damn thumb. Jake took his pipe with him to work, and there is no way I’m doing blades again. This blows, maybe I’ll shoot one of these yellow pills that are sitting here on the coffee table calling out my name. “Steve…snort me please…Steve I’m begging you too….you know you want too”. That’s actually what I’m hearing right now. Well maybe not hearing it technically, but I’m telling myself that’s what the pill wants, so I’m game for it. I’m out!

 

My Journey pt.6

December 14th

Oh man, too…much…drugs. Just kidding, not enough actually. If there’s something worse than doing so much drugs, it’s not having any to wake up too. The other night at work was a shit show. After that night at work  I should have slept all day, but instead Jake thought it’d be best if we went to the bar and drink away our lack of sleep. So I go into work at 4pm and  I was drunk. Pretty easy to hide it until  I get hot and you can actually smell the booze sweating out of me, at which point they sent me home. So I made it up to Hope earlier then expected, which wasn’t a bad thing. Spent the whole night smoking up, eatin shrooms and drinking. I think I may have gotten laid, but not so sure. If I did, it couldn’t have been that good or I may have remembered it…but then again with the state of mind I was in, it was probably the best lay I’ve ever had and am too much of an idiot to remember.  Need some air, be back in a bit.

So anyway, that was my night in a nutshell. Can’t supply details cuz there a bit lacking, but yesterday afternoon I made my way to Vancouver. Jake was supposed to come, but when worked called for someone, I told them Jake said he was open to pick up shifts, so they coaxed him into going in. Oh well, just me I guess. It probably would have been better to have him there, but hey, I managed. So I got lost on the skytrain and ended up somewhere near White RocK(??). Now I’ve always been one to go out and explore, but boy, when  I walked out of the station and saw all these million dollar homes I turned around and got the hell out of there. I’d rather be beating up junkies on Hastings then dealing with these people. Rich fuckers, probably think I’ll rob them or something. So once I found my way back to downtown I ran into Tim selling drugs on Granville, right near the courthouse, go figure. We hung out a bit downtown and afterwards he said he had to go meet his girl in Coquitlam. So we made our way down there, and wow, she’s a twat. She freaked on him for bringin me over to her place cuz apparently I was just some druggie from downtown. So while he argued with her, I just slipped out the back door and ditched him there. I made my way down to some slummy area of this part of town, it seemed pretty bad, which I’m all for, although I didn’t think it was full of prostitutes offering me head for a fix. That was a sign to get out of there. After roaming around for a while Tim called me up to ask where the hell I went, I told him I left…reason: I like pussy, but I hate cunts. Might have been funnier had he not had me on speaker phone with his girl right there, but what the fuck ever. I guess it’s all good though, he came and met me at a timmie’s somewhere near the highway.

We sat in the timmie’s for a bit and filled our coffees with a couple different crushed up pills. Not sure what they were, but fuck was  I ever fucked. It was pretty fucked how fucked we were. And at this point it was almost midnight and we made our way up the highway as it was too late to catch the skytrain back. Which brings me to a lesson I learned; never walk across a 4 km, 6 lane wide bridge with no shoulders while totally out of it. It was like watching that movie The Program, only we didn’t lie down in the middle of the bridge. I was scared shitless, so I came up with the idea of climbing up on the guard rail with a 600 or so feet drop below me, and crawl along it instead of taking my chances with the cars. I can’t imagine seeing two guys crawling along the guard rail on a major highway.  So after doing this for about km, I looked over the side of the bridge and realised there was some sort of walkway presumably for maintenance workers. We jumped down and made our way across the rest of the bridge and found this drop in centre of sorts. It was some sort of christian thing but we thought whatever, let’s drop in and say hi. I remember not much after this, but  I do remember this broad telling us that it wasn’t a flop house and that it was a place to get help which in my defence, I needed help…scoring some coke…we were quickly kicked out. I hate people with no sense of humor.

All I remember after that was passing out in an alleyway somewhere off of Robson street. I walked in my place around 10 am today, and damn if I know how I got back, but I did. It’s now like 8 or so and I still feel like I haven’t quite had enough sleep. I’m off to pass out again. Bye.

December 15th

Wow. It’s 9am, and not only am I awake, but I feel rejuvenated. Come to think of it, that may not be a good thing, but whatever. I have a whole day to do nothing but work at 5, think I’ll go out and try to have a drug free day, maybe do some shopping or something.

Wowser, I could kill Jake. I feel ranting is best right now, my drug free day ain’t free after all. Bastard put something in my coffee haha, I love him. Just got in from work and whatever it is he gave me is just kicking in now, so I’m leaving now and heading to Little Mountain. Have I mentioned yet that I love being on pills/coke/hallucinating stuff while partying off the edge of a mountain, cuz if i haven’t I doooooooo. Bye.

December 16th

Shit, my head hurts. Like really bad it hurts. But apparently clorazipam helps headaches, so I took two and it hasn’t helped yet. But hopefully it does soon, or I’m gonna need other stuff in my body to account for the apparent lack of help these pills aren’t supplying.

Okayyyyy, I just called my brother John. And for a guy who was supposedly my best friend growing up, you know the brother that looked out for me, he seemed really unpleasant to hear from me. Some people don’t find it amusing when you run away from your city without telling anyone, and finding your way into a life of drugs. The damn nerve he has. Maybe it wasn’t the best to call him when I’m spaced out, but he could have at least expressed to me that he was happy that I was alive or something. Geez I drop off the face of the earth and not even a missing persons report was put out for me? I love my life, I really do, I just hate the people in it. I’m out.

December 19th

Fuckin’ eh. Yesterday I smacked my head off the fridge door at work and wound up at the hospital again. Probably wasn’t good going into work again with stuff in my system but what the heck right? I split my head opened, and I have no idea how but they gave me a cat scan cuz it hasn’t been too long since I fell off the balcony. Told me something about how I have to take it easy for a few days, so I remarked “take it easy how? no physical activities or no drugs?” he told me the first one…I love a doctor who’s honest.

So here I am laying in bed. Jake should be home from work soon, and he’s picking something up for us to do, since I have to “relax”. Let’s see how long that lasts. Anyway, gonna go play a video game and wait (in)patiently. Bye.

Holy fuck!!!!!!!!! PCP kicks ass. Why haven’t I done this before, bye again.

Oh ya…Mrs.Robinson….jesus loves you more than you will know. Also, heaven holds a place for those who pray. Gee, shut the fuck up Garfunkel, we all know Simon had all the talent.

December 21st

I’d tell you about the other night, but quite frankly, I can’t. All’s I remember is being, for the life of me not knowing why but, being extremely pissed off at Art Garfunkel for sucking. And now that I’m sober,  I still say he sucks. Shower time, booyah!

On break at work. Not really a great night business wise, but fun nonetheless. This tool of a dishwasher named Skyler got mad and when he went to slam the door of the dishwasher down hard out of anger, this 15 yr old kid was pulling a tray out of the dishwasher…needless to say, one went to the hospital, while the other got suspended. Note to self: You can do coke, pills, shrooms, acid, or be drunk, but watch out if you ever accidentally hurt someone else. Well, I’m off to close dish now. And with Mike closing as manager, and Jake and Dave closing line, I have a feeling that tonight will be yet another great one. Boo!!!

December 24th

Christmas Eve and i just got in from work. Jake is gone to visit his parents(who hate him I might add), and it’s only 6pm and I’m already bored shitless. No transit going into the city until boxing day now. I guess I can hitchhike, but since it’s Christmas, I’ll just sit in my apartment and get drunk. Thumbs up to being the loneliness fuckhead on the planet.

Drunk now. It’s midnight and I’ve been sitting here staring at that stupid fireplace show/channel…you know, the one that has a fireplace and xmas music. Guess I’ll open the gift jake got me, which by the way, I told him not to open his gift in front of his family(they may not approve of an eight ball of coke).

Wow, what a gift. He got me two actually, one was an eight ball of coke(yay to having common interests) and the other was in a box. A porn video with a rope, and a note attached to it which read as follows:

“Merry Xmas dude, hope you can survive two days without me. And please, for the life of me, don’t pull a Michael Hutchence. Lots of drug induced love, Jake.”

Gotta like a guy who gives me drugs along with a porn and some rope only to make a joke like that. Merry Xmas to you too…fucker!

December 26th

Xmas was great. That broad that I wasn’t sure I fucked or not stopped by. And yes, apparently, we did do the nasty, all the while me signing CCR. I rock! How can one make sex that much more enjoyable you ask? Well, sing Down on the Corner by CCR, like the innuendo in the lyrics aren’t suggestive in any way. So whatever, we hung out most of day drinking and her telling me how her parents kicked her out when she was 14 and she’s pretty much had to make her way up to this point (must be the Force I gotta say, I mean why else could I sing that song to a girl who has probably spent some time whoring herself out….I kid I kid comma, why? Because I heart exclamation point. Damn this shit’s good). It was fun nonetheless, it’s always great meeting a girl who can down a 40 of jack and still find it in her to…ummmm, nevermind that part.

I woke up this morning to that damn Under My Thumb song. “under my thumb, is a dog who just, had her day”. Way to go Mick for calling a woman a dog, hopefully you made her bark too haha. Went for a walk and some bum asked me for money, in which I told him I had none. He yelled at me calling me some choice words, and watched me go into an ATM. When I came out, he asked if I could spare some change again . I told him the machine only gives me bills. And here I was holding 700 bucks in my hand. Haha fuck you, get a job. I’m off to work I guess. And shit, Note to Self: never try doing a line while a fan is blowing in your direction.

December 28th

How does one go from work on Boxing Day to waking up this morning in a homeless shelter in downtown Seattle? Beats the fuck out of me, but it musta been a good one cuz that’s where I was. I blame it on Jake though. At work the other night he kept talkin about how he can get a bj if he makes it to Olympia. I told him to go that direction, it’d be better good. I have no idea what has happened to him, but I’m just getting home. Must remind myself never to walk up to a border crossing. They suspect people walking down the highway with no money, no ID, and blood-shot eyes. I told him just to let me go, I’m canadian, I hate americans, they all should die. He laughed and sent me through without a hassle. Call it what you will, but  I think I have a way with people…whether it be utter brilliance or the utmost stupidity is yet to be decided, but still, I have a way. Must go to work. Shower first though. Not sure If it’s the smell of actual booze, or the stench of being in a city of 4 million americans, but either way, I smell like shit. Byeeeee!!!!!

Oh before I go, I just wanted to make mention that I now know why I hate Garfunkel so much. As I was in the shower and singing I am a Rock, I realised why: His fucking hair!!! Shit dude, you’re not buddy from Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Geez.

December 31st

New year’s eve. It’s about 11 am, or I think it is…let me do the math…hmmm, dropped 3 grams of shrooms at around 10 and they take an hour or so to kick in, yep, it’s 11 am. Damn my math is good. I figured I’d write before I’m totally gone. Couple days ago I got in my first fight. Woohoo right? right. I kicked his ass, literally. After I gave him a few shots in the head, he turned to walk away and I kicked his ass. Go me, and the next time I see him I’ll apologise. I shouldn’t feel like shit for hitting someone but I do. Now I know how it feels and I don’t like it.

REMINDER FOR THE FUTURE: NO FIGHTING. EVER. GOT IT? GOOD.

Bye!

Urgggg, Jake no home yet, and I’m tripping. Just called stupid cuntshit and he told me he lied what time he’ll be back just so he can have a laugh. It’s only 12:31 pm and it feels sooo late. But Letterman ain’t on so it can’t be late yet. Why am  I writing anyway? Oh wait, I know cuz I can and will and must. How can I remember these days in like a year if I don’t write them down for myself to enjoy.

“please allow me to introduce myself…I’m a man with wealth and taste”….I was around when Jesus Christ had his moments of doubt and pain….made damn sure the pilot washed his hands and sealed his fate….please to meet you hope ya guess my name….what’s puzzlin’ you…is it the nature of my game”

Wow, such an awesome song, but must turn it off now, it makes me think of satan. And roses. Mmmmm, roses. I’m out(of my fucking mind)!

Jake is sitting here and staring at me…I’m trying to hide behind you so he don’t see me, but it’s like hiding behind a lamp-post. And I must say those flowers on the balcony look awesome, maybe I should a eaten them, but instead I ate mushrooms. And holy fuck he’s either staring at me or that goddamn yummy looking flower, but then again who wouldn’t, its yummy.

3:51…do you know were kids are? God that commercial was so lame. And Jake is actually about to eat the flower that I dared him to eat. He better share.

This clock is driving me insane. It says it’s 4:20 and I ain’t got no weed. Hmm, can I substitute weed with other smokable things? Let me check. Basil, no. Oregano, no, Mushrooms, hmm maybe. Oh shit it burns like weed haha.

Just smoked shrooms rolled like a joint. Who knows if it’ll do anything, but….I’ll be the judge of that muahahaha.

Jake here. I stole you from Steve so I could tell him to go suck a dick…asshole. Hopefully he reads it.

Um, what the fuck??? He better not of read any of this, or ima kick his ass. It’s bad enough he thinks I look like a watermelon, I don’t need him judging me for my insanely awesome god like writing skills. Yay, almost time to leave and head out. I’m trippin’ like shit, and with my luck, when I’m out I’ll trip over a pile of shit. That’s me in a nutshell.

“I got my mind-set on you” repeat this lyric about 60 times and you have George Harrison’s worst song ever. Also, If I ever had one flavor of ice cream that I had to eat forever…it would be rose flavored, that flower was da shit. Time to go now! Oh wait, forgot I ordered pizza and it just got here, so we ain’t leaving yet.

January 2nd

Umm, Jake’s in the hospital. Apparently, he did some speed the other night. Not my cup of tea, which reminds me, what’s her face invited me over for tea. I really should get her name. Banged her twice, spent xmas day with her, and still don’t know her name. It’s like that episode of Seinfeld, only I don’t think her name rhymes with a female body part. So I have to go get Jake later cuz he ain’t allowed to leave. Get this. I call his parents this morning to tell them he’s in the hospital, what does his mom say ” is he dead” I say ummmm no, “she says, so don’t call here then”. Stupid cunt, I hate her, she reminds me of my mother.

Back from the hospital. Jake is mad cuz I didn’t have any drugs for him when he got home. But to our surprise there was a baggie on the stove with some greenish pills. Nothing like being discharged from the hospital and immediately rush shit up your nose. Go him, and go me for being a real friend. I’ll be sure to write about new year’s eve when I’m done this leg of the binge. See ya!

My Journey pt.5

November 30th

So I believe my mother’s birthday was either yesterday(or today, not important really) and I thought about calling and give a nice sweet, albeit sarcastic birthday wish, but I didn’t. Whatever. I’m off for breakfast.

Hahahaha. I saw a guy almost get hit by a car just now. I was on the way to the store and he jaywalked and almost got taken out. What made it funnier was on the way back from the store I saw the same guy almost get hit again. Fuckin’ moron. Well, I’m off to work, bye!

December 3rd

A girl last night at the Empress was all over me, and although I was fully loaded up with E and some vodka, I had enough sense to “just say no”. And even though I found my way of saying no to be nothing but honest she called me an asshole. Guess she doesn’t know that since I’ve been called that since I was a child, that I actually like hearing those words. Apparently too being honest is not always good. Telling a girl that she should lose the mullet, drop 30 pounds, wear looser clothes, cover cleavage and brush her teeth and maybe I’d consider it isn’t supposed to be nice. All I can say after she lost it on me is “hey, free beauty tips never hurt anyone”. Stupid cows and their inability to see the external beauty. I hate people who think the inner beauty is all that counts. Ever noticed ugly people always believe this haha. Whatever. But I’m off to Sardis now. Need to party it up.

December 4th

Holy crap. It’s 930 am and I’m just got in from some bush party. I try passing out but couldn’t so it’s cool. Guess when it’s time to go to work in 3 hours I’ll still have a buzz. What good lies ahead for me today I wonder.

Ughhh. It’s 11 or so at night and I gotta say, no more drinking til 8:00am. Feeling the effect of a hangover at 630 pm while at work is not a good time. And to make it worse, I spent a good hour hunched over a garbage can and dry heaving. Well, guess being up for 36 hours has taken its toll. Goodnight.

December 5th

Well, it’s saturday and I’m off to Vancouver today. Just got a call from Tim and he says he knows a good hang out place on Hastings. So that’s where I’m off too. He told me he’d hook me up with all kinds of shit, so I’ll be good drug wise. But before I do that, a shower, breakfast and a beer is in store for me. See ya in a few days.

Well, I was gonna leave this journal at home , but I needed something to occupy my mind while on the bus. It’s such a beautiful day considering its december. And if this girl sitting in front of me leans her chair back again, I’ll fuckin’ punch her in the back of the head. OK, I wont do that, but all I keep picturing is the scene from Commando where Arnold knocks out this big black guy on the airplane.

So now I’m waiting for the sky train or whatever it’s called. I’ll be down on the east side of Hastings street in half hour and I’ll be ready to do it up. Here’s to hoping I make it back to the ‘Wack in one piece.

December 7th

Remind me to never spend another night in a holding cell at the cop shop downtown again. Haha. Some goof last night tipped off some cops about this guy we were gonna get some drugs off of, and you know with my great luck and all, they showed up when we were there. Luckily for me, they aren’t pressing charges against us. But if I see the guy that ratted on buddy, I’ll have a nice friendly chat with him. Lord knows if I hit him, I’ll definitely get charged.

So anyway, saturday was fun. Went to some “pub” as it was supposed to be, but I can honestly say that I’ve never been in a public place where people are doing rails and shooting up right there at the tables. Some freaky shit for sure, but at least playing darts was fun, which come to think of it, is 4 or 5 dart boards randomly placed in a place like this safe? Don’t seem like it to me. Any who, after we left that shit hole, we made our way to some place in Burnaby. Metrotown I think it’s called, I dunno. It was some big ass mall with a 24 hour Playdium in it. We thought going to it would be a blast, you know hallucinogens and all, and it was, that is until we almost got in a fight. And if it weren’t for my undying stance I have against violence, I’d of let the guys I was with to beat the shit out of this dude. But instead security showed, and seeing as we weren’t quite thinking clearly, we thought that instead of letting them escort us out of the building, we’d make a beeline for it ourselves. And being the genius that I know I am, I decided to go through the mall. Note to self: Just leave the building when asked too, it sure as hell beats running through some big ass mall that you’ve never been it before. Regardless, I got found, and although I’m proud to say I lasted like 15 minutes, I’m banned from there for a year. So after me and one guy roamed around the parking lot looking for our friends for about an hour or so, we all met up and headed back downtown. All I remember after this was going back to that pub we were at. Hope I didn’t do anything stupid, although waking up in some alleyway indicates that I may have done just that.

So onto yesterday. Oh yesterday. What an awesome day. Yes, I’m being sarcastic. We met up with Jake. He called me saying he needed an excuse not to spend the day with his girl, so I told him to come downtown. I even went so far as to call Jess up and tell her I was gonna help someone move and told her that Jake needed to come too. God, are girls ever gullible. Like I’m gonna spend a day helping someone move when I have a pocket full of drugs and a city to tear apart piece by piece. So he made it down and we went to north Van so he can hook up with his cousin who was gonna party with us. Jake suggested to me that we should chill in north Van, but after about an hour, I nixed that. North Van is almost as lame as that Mel chick was. We made our way back downtown and walked by the Canucks arena. And you know, what the fuck, right? We decided to drop some shrooms and go see the Canucks play, not that there any good, or the Kings, for that matter. And the Canucks ended up winning 7-3, so it wasn’t as fun cheering for the away team. It works a lot better when the home team loses. So there were 5 of us, and surprise surprise, and 5 hot girls sitting the next row up(I love life’s little coincidences). We all got the talking and shit and all decided to go out for drinks and stuff. And after we were at the bar, me, Jake, Tim and Ryan decided to go meet up with buddy for drugs. And well, you know, 3 cruisers, a pattywagon and one more “I must add him to my list of people to fuck over royally”, here I am. He not only screws us out of money and drugs, but he totally, and unintentionally, cock blocked us to the highest degree. Fucker. I’ll find him, and until I do, I must come up with a way to fuck him over and make him feel like the biggest piece of shit out there without gettin’ myself in any kind of trouble. God knows that pigs like to defend rats.

So I guess it’s time for a shower and some sleep. I find it hard to believe that sitting in a jail cell surrounded by junkies, drunks and aftershave drinkers, that I couldn’t sleep. I have to work in 3 hours, so I best be off, maybe an hour sleep will help me out by giving me the ability to stand up. If not, fuck it, I’ll just call in.

December 8th

Ugh, work sucks. When I should have come home and slept, I decided to go to the bar and drink myself silly. And again, I must work in a short few hours. But I know this guy that gets Lorazipam or clorazapam or whatever it’s called and it’s supposed to help you sleep, so I got one and I will take it after work.

December 10th

Ok then. The other night I decided to take that pill I had about an hour before I was done work thinking that by the time I got home, I’d be able to sleep. Well, I remember being asked to pre-close and the rest is history. Jake filled me in a bit about what happened. Firstly, I ended up coming down hard on my thumb with a 12″ blade and got brought to the hospital. And I can understand now why Jake is a genius, he told the docs that he was worried that I haven’t been sleeping, of course, he didn’t know that I had some strong ass sleep aide in my system, so they injected something into my arm. Then, as he so nicely put it, I went all crazy after leaving the hospital. I ended up at the Empress and drinking nothing but Vodka. I asked him when I got up this morning why I have 300 bucks in my pocket and he said I was busy hustling some guys playing pool. And after he took me back here, I slept…and slept…and slept. And he woke me up this morning just to make sure I wasn’t dead. I wish I can remember more, but Jake was apperently sober the whole time, so at least I was being babysat.

And now I’m lying here and laughing at this pamphlet they gave me about what they injected me with. Warning: while taking this medication, refrain from consuming alcohol, narcotics or any medication used to combat sleep deprivation. Also, when used in conjuction with other medications, effects of this or other medications may be altered. Oops, my bad. I kinda wish I had more of what the doc gave me, but whatever. At least with the money I found in my pocket, there is a prescriptions for percocets. Only 30 of them but whatever, it’ll make drinking and working all that much better. See ya!

December 12th

Note to self: Crushing percocets and sucking them up my nose is a blast. Taking shrooms after the fact, is indeed not. Maybe next time I’ll skip the shrooms.

So the other night worked sucked royally, but work yesterday was a blast. Jake and Mike strongly advised against me snortin’ these pills at work, but what all can happen? With my thumb all stitched and taped, I can’t cut anything, all I can really do is work fryers, and fryers are safe. It didn’t take much for me to talk them into joining the fun, hell, I didn’t really have to. I just said “c’mon, it”ll be fun when it’s just us three tonight”, and it worked. Likemindedness works wonders. And I knew that since Mike was the closing manager, he couldn’t resist the temptaion, and man oh man was it fun. Seeing as I was delegated to just doing fryers, I gotta say, it was fun watching Jake all fucked trying to do five stations. Murphy’s law rocks. Here we thought that since it was gonna be uber dead, we’d be safe to do painkillers and smoke some pot, and like so many times before, my assumptions prove yet again to be wrong. The restaurant was full from about 5:30 to 8 or so, and even though it died right down, it was still fun and fucked all at once. And I, being blessed with the Yoda like ability of being able to think clearly at all times, convinced him that I’ll be able to get Mike to lock the doors at 10 o’clock instead of midnight, and of course Jake being the guy who’s grown so good at taking my somewhat sketchy suggestions and going along with them, thought I’d pull it off. Well, we were both wrong. We each dropped two grams of shrooms thinkin that by the time they kicked in, we’d be off on our merry way. But not to be. Mike, for obvious reasons couldn’t do shrooms, but decided he’d be good to go with another percocet, so I let him have one. Ten minutes after we were all done doing what we were doing, the owner walked in with his wife and inlaws. Mike told us just to be quiet, stay in the kitchen and act as normal as possible, and we’ll be fine.  But after going into the fridge to grab a couple things, I thought it’d be funny to throw a yellow wet floor sign at Jake. He ducked, I hit the shelve with with all the pans on it, and it collapsed. I must remind Mike never to tell me to be quiet. When asked such blatantly retarted things like that, I tend to lean the other way. Anyway, dickface came running in and asked what happened, Jake turned the other way to hide the inevitable laughter, and all I could muster up to say was “I dunno, I was cleaning the wall above it, and I guess my weight went down on it and it just collapsed”. I must take a moment here and ask myself; how the fuck do people come to be so stupid/gullible? It really blows me away. So it’s all good right? Wrong. The owner dude told Jake they had to stay open until 1am because a huge party was coming in at 113o and he wanted to make sure they had time to get meals/desserts and such. And since I was the pre-closer, I laughed whole heartedly at Jake’s shitty luck. Shoulda kept my mouth shut though, once I called him an unlucky, poor son of a bitch, owner dude told me I had to stay too, cuz he didn’t want to have Jake there much past 1.

That was work, I could have swore that by the time we got out of there that the shrooms were incredibly shitty. And yet again, the ability to think clearly or reasonably failed me. So once we left, we each took two more grams and wondered the streets. Doing more pills may, and I cannot stress the word may enough, have been a bad idea. I haven’t puked that much in a long time. Not sure if it was from the pills or the shrooms, but I do know that once we took more shrooms, the effects kicked into high gear. Walking around Chiliwack all the while being absolutely mind fucked has become somewhat of my new favorite hobby. So has being around Jake. He rocks. I think it’s become a competition to see who can out do each other when it comes to getting fucked. Not that it’s a real competition anyway…I’m a Kimball, I win by default.

So now that it’s 10 am, I think it’s time for bed. My body feels like it’s shutting down. Not sure if it’s all the drugs, lack of food, lack of sleep again or a combination of all those things, but I’m spent. Plus, I have to work tonight aagain, then go up to Hope to see some people, then find my way to Vancouver. Ugh, this will be a long couple of days for me. To quote The Rock….Just Bring it!!!

Ciao my dear journal. Don’t wait up for me.

My Journey pt.4

November 14th

I’m bored…and it’s only 830 in the morning. What the hell am I doing up at this time? Seriously. On mornings that I’m up before noon, I always find myself laying in bed thinking about shit. Dunno why I’m like that, but it’s no wonder why I hate the a.m.

It’s now like 9am, and I’m still lying here. But as fun as it is to stare at a page with nothing on it, I figure I’d write something down. “Get Hysterical, hysteria, can you feel it? do you believe it?”…wow Def Leppard is to my ears what HB was to the Leafs. Why this song popped in my head, I dunno, but get the fuck out already.

I seem to find myself in a real emotional conundrum. I left Thunder Bay because I hated everyone, but now, after like 6 weeks, it seems I miss ‘em all, excluding my mother of course. No need though to put that into words , it’s pretty self explanatory. And as I’m sitting here trying to figure out why I miss people, I think writing down about some so will better my understanding.

I’m laughing as I type John. As much as he’s been there for me, it’s amazing how quick he can turn on me, especially over a stupid random fuck up, which if someone reads this, they now that if there is one thing in my life that’s consistent(other then my good looks: haha I make me laugh) it’s my ability to fuck up. Gee, I’m 18 and I think all I do is fuck up, I’m off for a nice loooonnnnggg miserable life. Anyway, I figure that if I can make him hate me on the turn of dime, then either I’m incredibly gifted, or he isn’t the brother I thought he was. Probably a little of both. But whatever. He hates me now, I’m sure he’s jumping for joy that I’m gone, and well, fuck him. I’ll never speak to him again. Fuck…it hurts so much too to think about his, I love him to death…asshole.

And how about Crystal and Michelle? One I speak too often, the other I haven’t seen in about 6 years, but it all seems retarted that I miss these two. Crystal is such an amazing person, and sometimes I wonder if she knows that. She’ll have to figure that one on her own, I’d have told her myself, but as I know, compliments aren’t well receive in the family, especially since most compliments are just bullshit anyway. And although I’m sure she loves me, I wonder…will she ever get over the incident involving me and John resulting in her getting in shit as we ran outside to hide? As for Michelle, she’s still so young…and I wish I could see her grow up. Two specials girls whom I love very much, and whom I deeply regret never letting them get to know me better.

Hmmmm, and friends? Haha, what friends? Anyone who I call a friend back home are so fucked. Kristin is one that’ll I’ll miss, but will never fully lose contact with anyway, so missing her is just a withdrawal from having someone to drive insane. Gaetan is, well, Gaetan. What can I say? 15 years of knowing the guy, and only recently figured out, that he’s a friend out of pity more so than him actually liking me. Fuck you and the 15 wasted years, piece of shit. Then there’s people like Blair, Scott, Jay, Cheryl and a few others I spent alot of time with. Not sure why  Imiss these guys, but all the drugs/booze done between us all has left me wonder how we can even call our “friendship” friendship. Friends are supposed to be there through the worse times and not just when they need a fix haha. I surround myself with a hell of alot of losers. And looking at the few friends I have here, and no offence to you Jake( you know in case your snooping and reading this shit p.s FUCK YOU HAHAHA!!!) all seem to be the same kind of people. Yay for a friendless life.

I also find myself thinking of MJ. Oops, I better put Mary Jane. I’d hate to look back on this and wonder why wacko jacko was ever in my head and fuck he is now, ew, get him out haha. I need to get high. Anyway since the tender age of 5, or so anyway, can’t pin point the exact day, I’ve often wondered as to what the fuck I ever did to have my own mother hate me so much. This is one person I don’t think I can ever forgive, ever. It wasn’t enough that she had to give me up to CAS on my 3rd birthday, hell no, she continues, after 15 long years of not living with her, to fuck me up. Maybe had she had the brain power, or better yet, total concern for my well being in her heart and mind, I’d have been put up for adoption to a good home. You know, at least so I stood a chance, even if it was just a small iota of a chance, to live and be happy. But no, couldn’t let me could ya? I mean fuck, I spent my whole childhood hatin’ on the people who loved me and raised me and had only my best interests in mind when I should have been hatin’ on the one person who deserves all the hate in the world. I hate that my memories of my childhood will always be that of loneliness, anger and resentment. I mean my youngest memories for fuck sakes are that of wonderin’ why my own mother can’t do a simple thing like love me. Unconditional love my ass. I wanna punch who ever came up with that theory really hard in the face, fuckin dumbass. Most of my visits as a child involved what I think of as her way to continue messing with me. I’d get there just after dinner, John would be stuck in a corner with his nose and would remain that way until I left  and Crystal was already in bed. Nice fucking visits, eh? Hell, sometimes she wouldn’ even be there for me to visit, and the next time I saw her she’d say that my case worker brought me on the wrong day. I realised even then that this was wrong on so many levels. And to this day, she continues to have negative affect on me. The pain inside of me now hurts so god damn much that its even gotten to the point were I don’t think I’ll ever have kids, be happy or even be the least bit normal. Is it normal to think that I’m on way to a wonderfuly loveless and lonely life? Fuckin’ bitch. I hate crying…especially on the page I’m trying to write on. If you ever read this, which I doubt anyway, let it be known that instead of giving me a life of happiness, you gave me a life of pain and suffering. I mean, hell, a hug would have gone a long way. Or anything. And after almost 19 years on this earth, I still have yet to hear the words “I love you” from my mother. Fuck you, and rot in hell.

Life sucks. It really does. I look back at every supposedly important people in my life and realise that I have hardly any good memories. It makes me sad, and since I just returned from a walk, I think that I’m able to finish writing on my thoughts without the risk of cryin’ like a sissy. Will I ever be truly happy? And how the hell does one move on? I really don’t know what to do. And I can’t talk about this shit to anyone, as they all will think I’m just fucked. Oh well whatever. When I was a kid, it was not my choice to be hated, rejected or judged, but it panned out that way for me, no matter the reason. But I am at an age now to make these kind of choices.

Now I’m not sure how I’ll ever deal with this shit, but one things for sure, no more. I hate this feeling of emptiness, but it’s all good. Working on the ability to trust no one and to never open up is getting quite fun. I’ve spent the last couple years learning how to shut people out and I’m glad to say I’ve done a pretty good job. It may not fill this void I feel, but at least I feel good, if only for the short term. And who knows, maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll meet a good girl one day that brings out the best in me, you know, one that can let me be who I am, one who doesn’t judge me for what I’ve done or one who sees the good in me. Hope I find ya someday…

…but for now, I feel bad for anyone who thinks they know me.  I guess beating around the bush in terms of who I am beats lying about who I am. At least I’m not being dishonest.

Anyway, time to go out for dinner and some pool with Jake, Rob, Mike and Amin. Maybe they’ll be able to get my mind off the things that are secretly eating away at me. Go me! And go them for thinking I’m happy as can be. Bye!

November 17th

Been a pretty lame couple of days. Work, work and more work. This retarted Jess girl thinks that because Jake hasn’t called her in 2 days that he’s cheating. Only thing I could say to her about it was he was probably is…she don’t find that funny, but maybe if I’m lucky she’ll have learned not to come to me about stupid shit, which by the way, even if he was, I wouldn’t have told her. Anywho, I’m off to the mall to get myself some shoes, see ya!

November 19th

Boy am I in rough shape. I feel so awful from all the booze last night that I feel like I’m gonna die. Maybe a solo trek up some random mountain will be good for me. I’m off.

Well, I managed to find myself a tourist guide for Chiliwack..cuz it’d be nice to know where everything is and how to get places. Lord knows I ain’t gonna walk out in the wilderness here without a map. I’ve been hiking up this trail for about 3 hours and  it’s starting to get colder and I still haven’t what it was I set out for. But I’m happy to have found a picnic table to sit on, and now on to rollin’ a dube. 

It’s so nice to be up here right now. It’s cold as hell, but I’ll manage. It’s too beautiful up here to worry about freezing to death. And right now, as I sit here I’m looking over the edge of this hill/mountain thing(not sure what it is, but it’s pretty high up) all I can see is, well, everything I guess. It’s so peaceful up here I wish I could stay haha, but since  Ihave the whole day, maybe I’ll ventura off the path a bit. And who knows, maybe I’ll run into a mountain goat or grizzly bear or something.

Well, I’m home now. And not a moment too soon. I thought I was having a panic attack walkin’ back down the trail in the dark. It’s always good to be reminded how much being in the dark like that scares the shit out of me. I’d like to think it’s the weed gettin’ me all paranoid and shit, but it’s not. At one point, I heard a branch snap, and as tempting as it was to take off running, I figure’d if it’s something dangerous that it’d catch me anyway, so I just kept walkin’. But it’s all good now, and maybe next time I’ll think of bringing a flashlight. Goodnight.

November 20th

So apparently, this new manager at work doesn’t think smoking pot in the kitchen is ok. So me, and 4 others are on a 7 day suspencion. So right on, a week off, like I needed that, eh? Gives me seven days of partying it up. Haha lesson of the day is: if I ever need a week off, do hot knives on line while Brandon is on duty. What was supposed to be working all night turned into an hour and 45 minutes, so I guess with this spare time, I’m heading out to the Empress.

November 21st

Hey look, it’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s…wait for it…me falling off a second story patio. Guess I’m lucky it was just two floors up or I’d be dead. Doc says I have a concussion, so that is officially 4 concussions I’ve had so far. I must remind myself never to sit on the railing of a balcony/patio, it can really hurt. And now that dizziness is hitting me again, I think I’ll go lay down.

It’s 330 am, and I can’t sleep. I’m actually in better shape than I thought I’d be all things considered. Head does hurt though, but I think I’ll be fine. Still though, I’m bored as hell, I can’t drink and and playing the PS will probably cause a seizure. Well, according to the doc anyway it will. And here I always thought those stupid “seizure warnings” on video games were a coax. I sure showed myself. Anway, I’m ramblin’ now, so I’m gonna go and try to eat.

November 22nd

So this suspension never lasted the full seven days. But luckily for me, I fell and and smashed my head up pretty good. When they called me to come to work, I told them why I couldn’t. And since I don’t have a doctor’s note, I walked down with this dishwasher that works there. He had his parents camcorder rolling and caught the whole thing on tape. Guess maybe someday in the future, it may be funny to some.  So when we walked in, I showed Shelley the video, and after bursting out laughing she told me to get better and go home to rest. I guess all my years at laughing at other people’s pain, I finally get my moment in the spotlight, and it really isn’t fun. And it’s not like I’ll ever not laugh at someone getting hurt again.

November 23rd

So after a couple days, I think I’ll go out to the Empress with some friends. Not so sure if I can handle not drinkin’, but it’ll be fun to try. And hopefully I don’t get dizzy or shit like I did at the corner store today. Nothing like almost passing out when you’re busy flirting with a girl. So, off I go now to the bar, and I figured out that if I remain high, I don’t feel like shit. All is good in my own little world. Ciao!

Fuck, the Empress was closed. What a waste of a walk. I guess something about them failing a safety inspection of sorts has led them to being closed for a couple weeks. Everyone decided to head down to Area 51, but with all them strobe lights and shit, for the same reasons as not playing video games, I just came home instead. It’s propably good though right? Getting rest and shit. Oh. who am I kidding, this is uber lame. Good f’n night.

November 24th

Here I am at 10 in the morning and wonderin’ what I’m gonna do with myself. I feel a bit better and actually managed to get like 6 or 7 hours of sleep so it makes me happy. Doc says I should have a week or two of chill time, but fuck him, if I ain’t getting dizzy spells no more, then I’m off to party tonight.

Wow, who’d have thought that Jerry Springer can be so friggin’ funny. Right now is the first time I think I’ve watched his show, and wow, I’m amazed. This is lameness to the max. Now if only Canada had it’s own show to display all the trailer park trash in all it’s glory. Maybe I’ll eat and take a nap, I wanna make sure I’m good to go tonight…gonna be a good one.

November 26th

Well, I spent the whole night drinking, then spent all day yesterday with Jake and his lady friends. It came to my attention that because I avoided what’s her face for a few days that she’s “movin’ on” as Jake so kindly put it. Good news for me, I’m off scot free and I don’t need to feel guilty when I get myself laid. Also, according to Jess, she didn’t want to tell me herself cuz she thought she’d hurt me. Fuckin’ funny as hell. I hate the way chicks think, seriously. Hey, we screwed a few times, must mean there’s something there…f’n dumbasses. Get bent!

November 28th

Got called to work yesterday at like 9 am. I ended up being there til 10 or so last night, so I was pretty beat. I was actually in bed by 11, shit am I ever lame. And it’s like 10 am or so now and pouring rain. So much for going out for a walk. But since I feel better, I might hop the bus to Vancouver. That sure beats being stuck in Chiliwack all day.

Ahhhh, a nice cup of coffee from a non-starbucks place(can’t remember the name) and this journal. So much to do in Van, but instead I find myself wrting in this stupid thing. Well, at least it gives me something to vent it. K cool, I’m off to Robson street then, despite some pretty harsh warnings from people, I may find myself down on east Hastings street. It’s supposedly dangerous, full of drugs and full of dirty whores. And even though I ain’t ever been one for danger I figure, what the heck? Could be fun nonetheless.

Just got home. Hastings is probably better at night, but something about stepping over bums shooting up makes me not wanna be there. Just kidding haha, it’s kinda funny in a non funny way kinda way, haha I see what I did there. But whatver I met some decent people and actually ran into an old friend from Churchill group home. Tim haha, what a guy. Weird how someone can meet up with someone in a city of a few million. So, I’m heading back next Saturday to hang with him, and get a real feel of Van life. I’m off to bed now, so g’night you stupid journal.

My Journey pt.3

October 27th

Well, I was like an hour and a half late for work. It only took me like 4 or 5 shifts to be late, go me. It’s getting pretty late but I figured since I only get two channels, and I haven’t bought myself any books yet, I’d write. It’s funny too when I sit here and read what I write. All my problems seem so trivial next to the fact that for the first time in my life, I feel a sense of happiness. And other than missing John, Crystal and Michelle, I don’t think about or miss anyone back home. It’s nice. Making friends is so much easier when a person can finally be themselves without fear of judgement, or being an outcast. I say Fuck Tbay! And fuck most everyone there. If only they knew that in just a short month, I’ve had better times than 18 years back home. Fuckers Suckers.

Anyway, onto my couple days on the island. Jake and his girlfriend came along, and although he didn’t want her to come, she’s got a car. We made it to the island and decided to use the campground I recommended as a base.  And after we got the site set up, we went exploring the island. And apparently, Jake has never been to island even though he’s born and raised in Van, so it’s new to him too. So we get to Victoria and the girls decide they want to go shopping, and as happy as that made us, we still played the part of “oh, but what about us, what will we do” haha, they actually thought that we wanted them around, but then we just said “you guys go ahead, we’ll figure something out”. Hey, it sure beats saying “thank fuck”, right? God I love girls who have no idea what sarcasm is.

Anywho, because Jess didn’t trust Jake with the car, she gave me the keys and told me I’m responsible for the car. I felt no need to mention that we each just dropped 3 grams of shrooms a piece. Sometimes it’s good to leave little details like that out. And if there is one thing better than trippin’ out on shrooms, it’s trippin’ out on shrooms behind the wheel of a car. So once they fucked off, we immediately headed back to the campground. Hot chicks, a beach and our pot were callin’ our names. And quite frankly, the way some girls are with shopping, we’ figured we had all day. Turns out we right, sort of. After havin’ an awesome day and meetin’ some decent people, Jake figured out that the reason Jess didn’t call him was because she had his phone in her bag.. Anyway, so as we partied it up, avoided swimming(easy to forget it’s almost november when its 23c outside) and smoke an insane amount of pot, he sort of recommended we head back to Victoria to try to find them. I’d have otherwise said fuck ‘em, but we had her car, so that wouldn’t seem right. So eventually, eventually meaning it took us 2 hours to find the mall we left them at (to our defence we were hallucinating) we found were we left them, and they weren’t there. That fucked us right up. More so because our little fried minds were only imagining the worse possible scenarios. But be it as it may, we drove around Victoria for another 2 hours then thought just to go back to the campground, and lucky us! They were there.  They assumed we were at the campground gettin’ fucked up, and they took some bus service that goes to the ferry and they just hopped off here. So had we waited another hour, everything would have been gravy. How the hell can two girls drop more then 500 bucks between them, and only have 2 bags? Dumb broads and their excessive spending. I must remind myself never to lend a girl my Mastercard, although it’s limit is just 500 bucks.

Now onto yesterday. Nothing special really, just more shrooms. Again forgetting to tell the girls about them(I wasn’t really into the mood to share with them anyway) they thought we just couldn’t handle our pot. So be it. Being called amateurs is far better than giving away my drugs, even if it means that I’d get laid, which I did anyways. So we all just walked around the beach/campground/bush and found this neat little creek up in the forest, what a good place to hang out at. Once we got back to the site, we started up a fire, and Jake thought it’d be funny to through a can of alphagettis in the fire, and wow, can those things ever blow up. Once we made that discovery, we ran to the camp store, and dropped like 10 bucks on canned goods, to the dismay of the girls. They decided to go for a walk based around our immaturity, which left us to our own devices. And as retarded as it sounds, there was like 6 or 7 guys who came to check what all the noise was. Turns out, we weren’t the only ones who thought how awesome it was to drop shit in the fire and run. One of them even ran back to his tent to grab some blackcats and pop them in the fire. Firecrackers rocks. Just not when they’re exploding at your feet. All in all, it was a fun two days, and me and jake are definetly going back soon, but hopefully without the girls. They tried to kill our fun. Bitches.

So that was my couple of days. And I got in shit today for being late. I told the manager it was car trouble, and he said he didn’t know I had a car, so I pointed out to random car in the parking lot. Gullibleness at it’s best. It was dead tonight, so it made for an easy, and long, shift. I have no plans for tomorrow, so maybe I’ll go out and get a cell phone. I hear Fido has some good shit, and anything I’m sure beats those beasts that Motorola sells. So good night, and I’ll be back soon….Who the hell am I saying good night too? I’m fucked haha.

October 28th

Got a phone! Woohoo! But I’m debating whether or not I should give the number to work. It’s nice when they don’t have a way to call me in. Maybe I won’t, at least not for a while. I’m off to work. Bye!

I assumed yesterday that since I wrote that I had no plans today, I meant it. But for some inexplicable reason,  I went to work like a moron. And although I wasn’t scheduled to begin with, they asked me if I could work. Fuck giving them my cell number, I’ll just continue to be a dumbass and show up randomly. Guess there are consequences to always being high. Oh well, Good night.

October 30th

Well, what a shitty yesterday. Someone two rooms down from where I am was stabbed. Like what the fuck? Good news is it wasn’t random, they knew each other, but still. It all happened in seconds too. I walked to the vending machines, bought a newspaper and completely forgot about the vending machines, so once I got back to my door I had to turn around and go back. As I turned around, this guy walked by me, and we greeted each other, when I returned again from the machines, we saw each other again and another greeting, little did I know he just went it to stab his friend. And buddy picked my door to knock on because the room in between us was vacant. I’ve never seen so much blood in my life. I hate blood. I should have passed out, seeing as I have before when I donated blood, but I guess it being from someone else, it didn’t freak me out as much. I called an ambulance and spent like 3 hours talking to cops. The guy’s alright though, he was let out last night, and in fact, he smoked me a huge blunt. Guess it was a thank you haha. So fucking stupid. I’m officially looking for a place. I get the jeepers now walkin’ into this place.

Well, Off to work I go. See ya!

October 31st

So finding a place won’t be hard. Jake’s parents kicked him out today, and once he’s done work, he’s heading over here to crash for a couple of days. He seems to find it hard to believe that when he lets his mom do his laundry, that she ‘d find the drugs he leaves in his pockets, stupid fuck haha.We both get paid tomorrow so basically we’re gonna take the first place we see. Even though its halloween I figured sittin here and gettin high tonight will be just fine. No partying for me tonight. Hope he’s got a sleeping bag too, this pull out is all mine. Bye!

November 2nd

Well, yesterday we got a paper and called some places, and have one already. A 2 bedroom for 550. Fuck, rent is cheap here. We move in next week, mainly because the landlord thinks we shouldn’t move in when the walls have holes all over them. So it’s all good. This room is pretty tight quarters though, but he’s supplying pot, so it’s a fair trade…my floor, his pot haha. Work time, see ya!

It’s 1130 and we’re both sitting here high as a kite. He’s playing his gameboy and wonderin’ why the hell I have a journal. I told him it beats talkin’ to people. He hasn’t said shit ever since. Pretty uneventful night at work. A water pipe exploded in the kitchen, so we’re off for a few days. It’ll be nice. And after a few nights of lying low, tomorrow I’m getting fucked. We’re heading to Whistler, I never been, but it sounds like a blast. Skiing hasn’t quite opened up yet, but the girls are dragging us to this hotel with a spa or some shit. Not quite sure, I find it hard to pay attention when they talk, but I figure as long as they stay in this spa thing, we’re free to tear Whistler a new one. Well, time to roll a dube, and head out for a walk. Sardis here we come! G’night.

Oh ya, BC rocks!

November 4th

Raining like a mother fucker right now. It’s 830, and just got myself some butts. Kinda pissed about Whistler though. Guess we’ll do it another time. Bastards at work got the repairs done pretty quick, so I had to work yesterday and today. And since dickface thought it’d be funny to give my cell number at work, they got hold of me yesterday morning to break the news that they will be opening at 4. Oh, and I finally bought myself a book to read. Nightmares and Dreamscapes by Stephen King. Ima go read now as it should kill a sufficient amount of time just getting through the trademark first 150 pages before any of his books get good. Bye!

Midnight now. It’d be nice to be able to crash but Jake snores so fuckin’ loud that it’s driving me insane. So I guess rolling a dube and heading out for a walk is a good idea. Maybe off to the Empress, seeing as it, as shitty as it is, beats Area 51 in terms of which bar is better. See ya!

November 5th

Got a call from the landlord of the place were getting, and we’re in on the 9th, fuckin’ eh. But today is all about stocking up for this coming weekend. Apparently, who ever fixed up the problem at work fucked other shit up, so the owner is closing shop for the weekend. So off to Whistler now, again. Just hope whoever is supposed to do repairs takes their sweet ass time doing the job right. But we’re heading up tomorrow night, and it’s gonna kick ass. Not sure what to expect, but I can only assume it’s gonna be a blast. Going out now, ciao.

Ugh. I feel like shit right now. Eating at Mcdonald’s everyday for sure has its effects, even if it’s just been like 7 days straight of it. Wonderin’ why the fuck there isn’t a Mr.Sub in town though, I hate Subway. And my only other choices for fast, cheap food is A&W and Wendy’s. Whatever. Once we get our place, I can actually buy real food. Mmmmmm, Cinnamon Toast crunch. Anyway, off to bed. Night!

November 6th

I lost 80 bucks. I went to the store, took money out, got back from the store, and didn’t have it anymore. Not happy but it’s all good, my pay check was surprisingly good. Maybe I’ll buy a lotto ticket and become a millionaire. Hahaha, I wish. Off to Whistler now, see ya!

November 8th

I’m back. What a kick ass weekend. I should just move to Whistler. Fuck Chiliwack. It’s 730 here now, and time to recoop, I’m moving tomorrow, so that in itself calls for a celebration, right? But before I shower, eat and hit the sac, I’ll write down what I been up to the past few days.

We got there Friday around dinner time, checked in the hotel, and went out walking with Jess and Mel. After we decided to part ways with them(them and their stupid shopping), me and Jake decided to head to some local bar we passed. It wasn’t too bad, but after a while we decided it was time to head back outside and drop some mushrooms. We’d figure that if we were allowed, we’d make our way up the mountain, or at least part way, and enjoy the trip. On our way up that way, we met back up with Jess and Mel, whom, unbelievably, had brought their own shrooms to do. So there we were, the 4 of us on shrooms and not having a single thing to do. Shouldn’t of gotten any better then this, but it did. The girls thought it’d have been lame to go up a mountain without being able to ski, so they recommended we come to the spa with them instead, and after a little hesitation, we decided to go along. I felt like such a girl doing all that spa stuff, but I gotta say, it was the best shroom experience I’ve ever had. Seriously.

Yesterday morning, the girls decided to go back and get the full treatment, and as tempting (no sarcasm at all) as it was, we weren’t interested. They said we had most of the day to ourselves, so we took the car and went driving. Most of the day we just killed time by checkin shit out and it wasn’t until last night, that we really had any fun. After dinner, we all went back to our rooms and found out that the mini fridge contents were on the house as part of the girls buying the spa package. So me and Jake drank like madmen, while the girls waited for the E to kick in. I was torn between E and shrooms, but I went with the E. And around 11 or so we all went out walking, and walked by some guy’s place who was havin a party, a bunch of people yelled at us to join them, so we did. There must have been 75 people there. We drank and tripped out until the wee hours of this morning. By the time I got back to the hotel, I was spent. Both physically and mentally. I figured the E fucked my head up a bit last night, but who cares, right? it was fun. And after passing out for roughly three hours, the front desk called our room and said it was past check out time. Assholes, and its good to know that Jake and Jess were sitting out in their car and spent 2 hours waiting for us to comedown, and it never once occurred to them to call haha.

So that was my two days in Whistler. It was a pretty good time, and  I’ll definetly go back once ski season opens up (hopefully soon) and get fucked while skiing. Anyway, I’m off to eat and stuff, then sleep, so bye!

November 10th

So we moved into our place. And since we’re both doorknobs, we never asked if the place has hydro, or if we need to get it hooked up, and guess which one it was haha. But it got hooked up this morning, so that’s all good. Mel figured since I didn’t have power, that I would have enjoyed going to her place. Ya right. I told her I had to work, but I didn’t. Instead Jake dragged me to some lame ass sounding party over in Sardis. And it was, lame that is. But whatever, free booze for the price of rolling a couple dubes, I wasn’t complaining. Now I’m off to work. See ya!

November 11th

Moment of deep thought. Well, not really, but I was just thinking. I know I’ve only been here for like a month, but I am feeling the same itch that I felt when I decided to ditch Thunder Bay and come out here. Hmmmm, guess I’ll try to ignore it. It’s snowing today, so it’s no time for travel haha. Maybe come march. And also, why the hell did I leave Thunder Bay? Oh right, it blows.

November 13th

Working sucks big time. I got called in both yesterday, and today. I should kill shit head for givin ‘em my number. Time to go, I’m sure I’ll write later tonight.

It’s tonight now, and I’m writing. I heard a funny expression today. This newfie from my work was leaving, and this is what he said. “I’m off like a whore’s drawers on a sailor’s payday”. Made me laugh. newfie’s rock. Well, not really, but he does. On my way home, I tripped on a curb like an idiot and banged up my knee pretty bad. It fucking hurts like a motherfucker, so I just smoked a joint, hoping it eases my pain. Probably won’t, but since I picked up a playstation, at least I’ll be able to have fun while sitting on my ass. Ciao!

My Journey pt.2

Day 13 – October 13th

I didn’t expect to here back from the job she was gonna get me, but I have, so it’s all good. Although working in a restaurant sounds lame. It scares me to see what goes on back there in the kitchen, and I’m worried it’ll totally turn me off from restaurants all together haha. They wanna pay me 7.5o an hour, which is more than minimum wage here (and Ontario’s minimum wage for that matter) so it’s alright I guess. And the hostel here has weekly and monthly rates, so I might just stay here, at least until I figure out what I’m doing. Hmmm, this could be the beginning of something wonderful. Or it could just be a phase I’m going through, but being here for a week less a day and having met a decent girl and getting a job is definitely a good start. Oh ya, this time I actually got her name. Melissa. And yes, I am writing this down to remind me of it in case I forget.

So I’m in Vancouver again, decided I’d catch Lions game. And as much as the CFL sucks more than then watching lawn bowling, I figure 10 bucks would be a good way to entertain myself for a few hours, if not only to cheer the visiting team. Which brings me to a little problem I have. How many fucking times are the Ottawa Roughriders gonna fold, then come back, then fold, then come back? it’s happened like 3 times in my life, and I’m sure it’ll happen more. CFL sucks. But the gate’s opening finally, so see ya!

Wow, that game sucked. 10-7 is a bad enough football score, but CFL football? In a field that’s 110 yards long, none of the two teams passed for more than 200 yards. Fuck, Flutie come back, at least you made it watchable.

It’s windy as fuck, pouring rain, and I’m waiting at what must be the only non sheltered bus stop in all of Van. Good thing there’s this tiny awning hangin over the front door of this condemned building or I’d be uber pissed. Can’t wait to get back to Chiliwack, eat, shower and party it up. Mel says apparently the Empress is a good place to get high and hang out. But I’m weary of going to bar that’s part of a hotel. Then again, that’s only cuz in Thunder Bay, 555, the empire, and those places are all run down crack hotels with bars. Who knows, could be fun.

On the bus now, and this is lame. Traffic is so backed up, the bus driver is gonna make Abbotsford its last stop on this one, so that instead of people waiting for hours in traffic, they can find other means to get home. What the Fuck? How the hell am I gonna get back? This aint good. I’ll check back in later, this is quite the pickle I’m in.

Finally, 3 and a half hours after the game ended, I’m back in my room. Being the idiot that I am, I figured the best way to get back was to hitch a ride. Fine, that’s ok, but to go one step further, I walked down the carpool lane to catch a ride and it actually worked. Some guy swerved out of the regular lane and offered me a ride. So that worked out ok.

Now I’ve just taken a good look at my room, the first time I’ve done so, and wow, this place is shit. The main part which has the hot plate and tv, is butt ugly. Green curtains, orangish tiles(hahahaha), a ceiling fan that doesn’t work and this couch wow this couch. It’s one of those flowery ones that’s all green with floral patterns over it, kinda like the one my grandma had when I was a kid, only hers wasn’t so bad. The bathroom is alright, I guess. I find these cast iron(???) tubs pretty cool, but again with the flowery shit. This time it’s wallpaper, and it’s green again. Oh well, it’s home. I feel like I’m the Bates Motel. Just please, no Norman.

October 16

Hey stupid book I’m writing too. I’m back. Been an eventful couple days. The last night I was here, I made it to the Empress, and was introduced by Mel to some pretty cool people. Place was great until they rolled out a karaoke machine. Those things scare me. All I picture when I hear or see karaoke is fat, old drunk women with no teeth gyrating their hips while they destroy an already bad Elvis song. And I’m cringing cuz I just pictured what I was writing. But anyway, it was fun. I don’t remember much of that night, but I do remember walking up the side of Little Mtn. Who the fuck calls a mountain little anyway? Apparently people who settled this mountain were high. We got up to this landing that serves as a sort of natural lookout. Smoked some blunts and the rest is blank.

And on the 14th, I worked my first day. Wasn’t as bad I thought, but you can smoke up in the walk-in fridge, so all is good. Paul, this dishwasher dude, is kinda slow, and not cuz of drugs, cuz he’s actually slow. It was explained to me by a manager, so he was supposed to show me what to do, but instead, I found ways to help him. Made me feel pretty good, you know, havin’ this dude around. I’m no pro, but I figure while he shows me the ropes, I can maybe find ways he can get better too. And what was supposed to be a training shift for 3 hours turned into a 9 hour shift. Is this really how things go in a kitchen? Better not be, or I’ll get away from the restaurants now.

And yesterday, I spent the whole day in my room recovering from another night of drinking. It was piss poor weather, she had to work, so I couldn’t really have made any plans, although her friend told me to drop by the empress anytime to chill. Apparently, he’s always there. But I wasn’t in the mood, and it was kinda nice to relax, especially after the past week. I did get out for a nice stroll in the evening. I’m in absolute awe of the scenery out here. Whichever direction I look, huge mountains, lots of clouds and buildings that look so much smaller than they are. It truly is amazing out here.

And now I should get ready for work. One bonus of this dive of a hostel being where it is, is that its like 3 blocks from work. And there’s a Mcdick’s across the street. I’m set haha, thought about gettin some groceries, but fuck that. I’m young, I can afford to eat like shit, and hopefully not have to pay for it healthwise for a long time. Big Mac here I come.

October 17th

Why did I get a journal with no dates in it? I’m keeping track of the date simply by counting on my fingers how many days have passed since the last entry. Lucky I have ten, I’m good until the 27th. I’m such a dork. So today I figure I’ll head out to Hope Springs with Mel and some of her friends. Her friends invited me to go along, and if her brother Jake and his buddy weren’t gonna go, I sure as hell wouldn’t. Nothing worse than spending a day with a bunch a girls who’ll just talk about shoes and Oprah or whatever girls talk about. But they’re going, so I’ll spend another day gettin’ high, drunk and wasting another day of my life. I do have to work tomorrow, so I’ll try to be home by noon. That way I should be good with 3 hours of sleep or so.

October 18th

It’s 3pm and I just walked into my place. I work in 2 hours and have no chance of getting some sleep. Thank god for caffeine pills. It says on the label that I shouldn’t take them if I’ve been up for more than 16 hours, but whatever. By the time my shift is over, I’d have been up for about 36 hours, I’ll die if I don’t take 1 or 7. So now I figure I’d take this little time before work and ramble on about yesterday’s adventure.

Hope Springs isn’t actually a place. Harrison Springs is a place in the town of Hope. Either I misunderstood, or Mel was high when she told me about it. Probably the latter. So we get to this place, and wow. It’s a big natural pool of steaming hot water. I wasn’t sure what the hell was under it to make it so hot, but I figure as long as a volcano didn’t blow up under me, I’d be okay. Jake had a brilliant idea to drop some E. Which was all fine and dandy, that is until we decided to go hiking in the dark. A flashlight hardly lights up when you’re strolling up in the woods up a side of a mountain. And to make it worse, I was in shorts and sandals and a tee, so the bugs were eating me alive. Well, I thought I was being eaten, but I woke up this morning with not a scratch on me, so I could have been imagining things. I did however wake up lying beside a stream. Good times I tell ya! The hike was great, and I never got laid in the confines of bush in the middle of the Cocahalas(not sure if that’s how it spelled, but I was told that’s the mountain range that surrounds Van)before, so that was a good experience. Also never thought I’d hit it off so well with new people. And it’s kinda nice.

This trip is already turning out to be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I really don’t think that I have it in me to ever return to Thunder Bay. I have a whole country to see, and a whole life to experience. My decision only took like 2 weeks, but that’s it. I know what I need to do now. Canada here I come.

Time for work, so maybe I should get off this ugly puke looking couch and get ready. Bye for now!

October 19th

So those caffeine pills I mentioned helped me survive yesterday. Seems the 16 hour warning was just a guideline. I feel like shit this morning but whatever. I’m hoping to get another few others of sleep before tonight. From what I’m told, people have a little shindig up on Little Mtn. every weekend, so that’s were I’ll be going. I can see myself burning out here soon, but I promise to myself that I’ll take a day or two off from any kind of partying/drinking/fun after tonight….Haha, I’m funny. Bring it on.

Just managed to get a couple more hours of sleep, so I feel a bit better. Wondering though why I’m laying here writing when I could be out gettin to know the city I’m currently residing in. Like it matters though I guess, I can walk across this city in like 20 minutes or so. It’s lame, I know. But it rocks here, so it’s all good. definitely better than Tbay ten fold. Ok, time to get ready. Time to party!

October 20th

Work, work, work. Fuck off. I’m in too rough of shape to go to work. It’s like 9 am and after spending the last 2 hours trying to fall asleep, it’s obvious that won’t be happening. I just hope this buzz is gone before I go in.

It was a blast last night. People out here are so much more friendlier than back home. You go to a party, get introduced as new in town, and everyone is instantly a friend. It’s great haha, until they get to know me. Not true, but still. Making friends is great when I know no one out here. Anyway, this girl was all over me, and being the nice guy I am, I went for it. And hopefully Mel doesn’t take our extra-curricular activities as dating , or I’m in shit. But before that, I just drank and drank and drank, mostly vodka, and then some tequila. I made it through my 26er in about 15 minutes, so I was definitely going for broke. And earlier in this entry somewhere I mentioned how I say no some things, well I did last night. I was offered coke, but that’s not my thing. So to compensate, I dropped some E. I’m so proud of myself.

Got to see two guys get in a fight too. The most retarded reason ever too; over a girl. Not that I care about the situation, but I can only assume it involved one guy fucking another’ guy’s girl, which is so stupid. Funny nonetheless. The only thing better than seeing a fight is when the guy that starts the fight gets his ass kicked. I laughed, then got back to this broad. Which again I didn’t catch her name either, or I just don’t remember it, either way, it works out for me. Random sex with random strangers is the best sex there is.

Just got in from work. And fuck am I beat. It was a good night though, these guys had RHCP blasting away, which has actually got me excited about the album coming out in the new year. But we smoked up, got our asses kicked from the busy-ness, and listened to some tunes. All is good in my world. Good night!

October 21st

Woohoo! Going into Vancouver today for a Canucks game. It’s only the Ducks though, so it won’t be any good, but an NHL game is always a bonus. If I’m lucky, me and Jake will get to heckle the Canucks without getting beaten up. But before that, I gotta eat. The problem with partying ever night is feeling like shit every day, and thus not eating. Gotta run to Big Mac land, see ya!

The Canucks game was good. Anaheim won 6-1 and we cheered them all game. Some guys behind us were gettin mad, but some security dude asked them to leave cuz they were drunk and gettin’ rowdy. Haha losers. And wow, it’s midnight and I’m actually here in my bed, sober. Well, mostly because the cunt at the Canucks arena wouldn’t accept my Ontario driver’s license as i.d. Even though I’m of age. I guess it’s good though right? Being sober for a change. Oh, who am I kidding this sucks. Good fuckin’ night.

October 24th

Wow, just wow. On the 22nd I worked all day, then started drinkin’ and haven’t stopped until about 3 hours ago. It’s now like 8 am and I’m supposed to meet Mel in 3 hours cuz we supposed to head to Vancouver Island for the day. And since I ain’t got a phone yet, it’s either bear it for the day, or stand her up. Tough choice. And perhaps if she finds out about me and that random chick, she’ll throw me of the side of the boat and feed me to the whale thingys. Anyway, think I will go. Might be good to get out. Lord knows I need the fresh air. And if I’m lucky I won’t puke on the boat ride.

But first, let me fill in the past couple days. I somehow ended up in a town called Merritt. I woke up on the edges of some farm, and as funny as that was, Jake and Rob thought we were somewhere around Chiliwack. So we walked and walked and walked, and after about 2 hours, I asked that if were near Chiliwack, where the hell is the highway? I know Chiliwack is small, but it’s in a valley populated by roughly 4 million people. Anywho, we eventually found Merritt, and a bus station. And because Rob lost his wallet, I had to drop 35 bucks on his ass to get home. But we had to wait 6 hours for a bus, so decided that gettin’ high was a priority and it’s a good thing we did. Merritt is like Nipigon in the way that it’s tiny, there’s nothing to do, and it sucks. So we hit up the local bar, yes at like 12pm, and did a shitload of shots. Buses and being drunk don’t mix. It’s even worse when you get kicked off 60 miles from your destination. Rob somehow managed to stay on but me and Jake got thrown off. I guess it beats having the police called, but here we were on the side of the highway, drunk and no idea where we are. Decided to try to hitch, and almost immediately we got picked up by a trucker heading past Chiliwack. But that lasted only about 40 miles, and once  I pulled out a 40 of vodka in the back, he stopped and told us to get out. Like fuck, it ain’t like we were driving. Anyway, we found a dirt road to walk down, my idea since I wanted to drink my 40, and we walked the entire way back. It was about 1230 or so last night that we walked our way into town, and not a moment too soon.  A buddy of his passed us near the Empress and invited us over to play some video games and smoke some green. Good times. And I can still kill anyone who dares challenge me on NHL ‘98. And note to self: don’t play poker for money when drunk. I lost 100 bucks last night, at 20 bucks a game.

So that was my past couple days. It’s no wonder I’m in the shape I’m in. Gotta get ready now, today’ll be rough, hope I survive.

I’m back. And it’s only been a few hours. She found out about me and that broad, and although she didn’t say she ain’t mad, she claims something came up, and she couldn’t go. I’m no expert on girls, but I do know when there pissed. Although to my defence  I gave a valid excuse…”It’s not like we’re dating”. I figured she couldn’t be mad at me for it once I said that. But whatever girls sucks anyway, both literally and figuratively.

Haha, it’s like 11 pm and Mel just left. She stopped by to talk. Apparently, I’m in the wrong. I guess fucking a girl a couple of times constitutes as dating. What the hell is wrong with these people? Back home, there is a whole plethora of skanks that just wanna fuck. Anyway, I pretty much told her that because I’m not sure how long I’ll be around town for that dating isn’t what I want. And hey, look at that, she understands. So she ain’t mad, I’m still alive, and apparently our date to the island is still on. Anyway, I’m feeling like shit and even though I haven’t done much today, I feel like dying. See ya.

October 25th

Wow, I feel totally rejuvenated today. And I’m actually almost looking forward to the island today. I think I’ll suggest the campground I was at awhile ago. That place was bombdiggity, and I need to go back. The resident groundskeeper is my age and sells drugs. Best pot I’ve had so far out here, and supposedly he’s got connections to other shit. Wonder if he’s got a list made up? Haha. Anyway, leaving in an hour, and I should load up my book bag with booze. Bye!

My Journey pt.1

So here I am. Opening up the two journals that I wrote in while I travelled from one end of this country to the other.  Please note that you(meaning whoever reads this) are among the first people who will get to, word for word, experience my days on the road. Also, I’m sure there are times where drugs and alcohol may come into account haha, but no worries, it was always in good fun.

Day 1 – October 1st, 1998

Fuck. It seems like an eternity already, but I’m only in Dryden. It pains me to end already as to why I’ve decided this afternoon to take greyhound all the way out to Vancouver, and it’s only been four hours. But here we are, maybe I’ll run it to the local stop(aka Husky station) to grab some munchies. And why the fuck does this bus stop in every single fucking shit hole in northern Ontario? In 4 hours on the road and like 7 or 8 stops, I’ve seen 2 people get on. This is gonna be a long ride.

So here we are, Kenora, Ontario. I’ve never been here before, and fuck me if  I ever come back. It’s a good thing I have this and my discman to entertain me, or else this screaming kid would drive me insane. I’m bored, so I figured I’d write down reasons to help justify my insane, albeit sudden, decision to leave Thunder Bay.

*No more bullshit. Scratch that, new bullshit. And if karma is any good to me, it’ll be less bullshit. *New friends. Haha yea, I need em bad. There are about 3 people ima gonna miss back in the bay, and two of them are family. I never really understood the old expression that’s something about finding out who your real friends are, but I get it now. And if everyone out there took a good hard look at their own circle, they’d see just how few friends they really have.

Well, making a list of reasons sure put me in a sour mood, couple in the fact that I’m on a greyhound with screaming babies, loud snores and some old dude that smells really bad, and I’m not in the mood to write anymore tonight. Back to listening to Vitalogy for me.

Day 2 – October 2nd

Yay for Winnipeg. By yay, I mean fuck. I grew up coming here and I’ve always hated it. The only good thing this city ever had been the Jets, and they sucked. But that being the best part of this shithole really tells me this place sucks so much. Now that were about to get to the station, with a 3 hour layover to boot, (which cunts makes these schedules anyway?) maybe I’ll go exploring downtown and see if I can survive the supposedly roughest city in Canada.

It’s a good sign that I’m writing again. Its like 10 am and there finally saying that the bus is ready and shit, so im smiling knowing I’ll never pass through this shit hole again. Some chick bummed a smoke from me and we got talkin’, so I think I might have someone to talk to. She’s only going to calgary, but nonetheless, I won’t drive myself crazy listening to the same 5 cd’s over and over again. Then again, she’ll drive me crazy like Kristin has done for so many years. Shit, I’m gonna miss her.

Brandon, Manitoba eh? This should be good. No, really, this should be good. It’s like a mini Winnipeg only less beatings, robberies and such, well at least from what I can tell anyway. And I was right, Girl( I must remind myself to ask her name haha) would drive me crazy. She never seems to shut the fuck up, and I’ve only known her for like 3 hours. Oh well, 14 hours more to go before  I never have to deal with her again.

So Brandon was as big a bust as I thought. And by the time I leave this shit of a province, the poorly maintained roads will make this entry unreadable. And it’s not like my writing is any good, so if Manitoba can fuck even this journal up, then fuck them. Manitoba blows. And yes, I really do hate this place.

Moosemin? Like seriously, why stop in places that the only bus stop for greyhound is like a bus stop for city transit? A sign on the side of the road? And now in Broadview? Like really, by the time I get to Van, I’ll be 30 years old. Ya , like Id make it to 30.  Ok, someone just said that you can see the lights of Regina. I think, cool, right on, Regina. Then we have to pass a sign on the side of the road that reads: Regina 197. The prairies are really as lame and boring as I thought, and then some.

Ok, good. Girl(still never caught her name) is gonna get back on the bus, and I’ve decided to stopover in Regina for the night. One long night then a whole day is enough in one sitting. Plus a shower and a bed’ll be nice. Just checked in to the circle inn hotel about 20 minute walk from the station. When I asked the girl where it was, and only cuz its cheap, she said a couple blocks. So im carrying my luggage(just a duffel bag and backpack) down buttfuck Regina, and I asked some random dude were it was, he told me I was going the wrong way. And fuck man, its first week of october and its already -7. People who choose to live here are fucked. Anywho, I’m here in the room, chillin’ and watching some local tv, haha local saskatchewan news is funny. Random thought: I saw in a horror movie once that murders in hotels occur closest to the exit stair about 80 percent of the time. No idea why this would just pop in to my head, but comin back from the vending machine, it scares me to know that’s were my room is located.

Day 3 – October 3rd

What the fuck? Is it possible to get food poisoning or some shit from a bag of chips and a few mars bars? I feel like I’m gonna hurl. Maybe its the air, ya that’s it.In a city of 300,000, you still get that smell of cow shit like when you pass a farm, only you’re in the middle of a city. The prairies blow. Bring on Alberta. I’m back. And I’m in Moose Jaw. And just when you think the last city/town/random bus stop you’re in is the absolute worse, you get to the next one. This better not be building me up to Vancouver being the worst city ever in the history of this planet, cuz that’s what seems like is happening here. Ok, Swift Current. Has a ring to it, but then again, so did Moose Jaw. This place seems slightly better though, at least the bathroom at this station doesn’t remind of that place downtown Toronto I was at as a kid, don’t know the name, but the trains and shit are all there. Anyway, ramblin’ now. Be back later.

Well, at least this leg of the trip is going by faster, then the Thunder Bay-Regina part did. Then Again, I’m actually in Alberta now, and what the fuck? It’s still flat. This town is called Medicine Hat? Where do these farmers draw up names?  Whatever, at least, I’m only 2 days minus a couple of hours away from Vancouver. But if only this bus would leave this place already, maybe I’ll get to Calgary soon. Great, I’m stuck in a place called Bassano or something like this. apparently, this rain storm is too severe to drive in. Like what the fuck, have these people never seen rain before?

Ok, were finally on the road again, and were like 2 hours-ish away from Calgary. And since im low on funds not sure about what cheap hotel I can find, but this guy told me about this place called the “international hostel” or something along these lines. Apparently there’s thousands worldwide, and I’m only just hearing about it. He says 15 bucks gets me a shower and a bed, so I’m down. Yes!!! Calgary. No to the hostel being on the outskirts. Dropping like 40 bucks on a cab is not my idea of money well spent, but whatever. Stupid security guard at the station checks my bags. Cunt tells me he’s doing it cuz he can. Bye for now, time to lay down and get some sleep, people at the station told me that a stopover can be for 48 hours, so I’m here for two days.

Day 4 – October 4th

Well, I decided late last night to walk about a mile down the road to this wayside diner, of course, when the lady at the hostel recommended it, I couldn’t refuse, more so cuz she told me it was the only place within 5 miles of this place. Again with the fucking prairies. I should a just found some random shelter or something to camp out in for the night, at least Id be in the city. Nevermind on the shelter, those places scares me. Haha to wanderin’ minds. Anywho, I go to this diner, and ate the absolute worse meatloaf I’ve ever had, but at least the apple pie was almost redeeming. Met a few guys that are staying at the hostel too. They seem decent, and are probably just a couple of years older, so that’s good.

Its 8pm now, and I just got back from the city. Calgary rocks! hitchhiking isn’t so bad either, I was on the road for 5 minutes and got a ride right to the saddledome(lucky bastard works there and sees all the flames games). Never imagined Calgary as being this huge city with everything. And this downtown sure beats what Thunder Bay offers. Of course, Thunder Bay downtown consists mainly of two streets; Crack court and Listo Lane(Who ever coined these nicknames back home are too funny). Got to see all downtown has to offer, but not any one place impressed me much, just the sheer size impressed me.

Day 6 – October 6th

Wow. I missed the whole day yesterday, and only remember bits and pieces. The other night when I was filling the day in, one of the dudes I met invited me to come over and smoke some weed. Fine by me, but once  I was offered some K, I just couldn’t refuse. After all, Acid doesn’t do it for me anymore. I always thought K was a hallucination type drug, turns out  I was wrong. Boy was I ever wrong, at least in Alberta I’m wrong. After doing a couple of lines I started explain what I thought was K, and they laughed. The one guy said he didn’t know where I was from, but in Alberta K is horse tranquilizer. Horse fuckin’ tranqs. Like what the fuck??? It’s no wonder I misplaced yesterday. Oh well, cow tipping was over rated, being chased by a llama was a scarring experience, and I’m lying here ready for another night of sleep. Back on the road again tomorrow.

Day 7 – october 7th

8am and wonderin’ why I’m even up yet. Still wonderin’.

Bus stations suck. Especially when you have to step over half a dozen homeless people just to get in. Oh well, in about 45 minutes, I’ll be on the bus on the way to Vancouver, and will be there in approximately 11 hours. Fuck BC must be huge if it takes that long, but I am so looking forward to going through the rockies. All those calendars everyone has randomly may have built up my expectations too much, but if it’s half as nice those free Shopper’s calendars, then I’m in for a treat.

Woohoo, Banff. And holy crap is it awesome here. I should just get off now and spend the rest of my days living in this place. Lots of drugs, lots of women, and lots of natural beauty. If there ever is such a place called heaven…

So Golden don’t seem so bad. The difference between these little towns, and the ones from northern Ontario is that NWO sucks ass, and these places are beautiful. And wow, a bottle of pop is 65 cents. Haha, so much for a low-budget, which by the way, it just it me how little money I really have and how I’m fucked I am once I get to Van. Oh, am I ever fucked. Good luck Steve(you stupid moron).

Salmon Arm? retarded name, but I need to come back here for the annual salmon run up the river here. apparently there are roughly 5 million fish that rush up this river, and actually turns the river colors. Regardless, this place, other than being over run with smoked fish,  is lame. But the view is nice. OK, I narrowly missed the bus I was supposed to be on, but there kind enough here to let me one that goes to Van via Kelowna, instead of Kamloops. I would have hated being stuck in Salmon Arm.

Alright Kelowna. It’s a city. First one since Calgary actually, and its like a desert here. Pretty fucked to see a desert in Canada, but then again, I saw a moose in Saskatchewan, so I guess the possibilities are endless in this wonderful country. Some guy just approached me to see if I want some weed. Funny how people hang out by a greyhound station and sell dope to passerbys, guess less chance of running into rats. And at 30 bucks a quarter, I’m down.

I’m high now and on the final leg of this trip to Van. I’m so excited , I can just jump out of this seat, well I could if Iwasn’t comatosed. Then again, if I did jump up, everyone would think I was high or fucked or both, and kick me off the bus. In which case I wouldn’t be able to ramble on, you know being stuck in a desert hahahah, ima shut up now. Time for some CCR.

6 pm or so local time, and we just came over the last mountain and can see in full view Okanagan valley. And hole shit, its big. Can’t quite make out Van yet, but I can make out some of the buildings that are downtown. This is gonna be awesome.

So I managed to find another one of these hostel places. I guess that dude before Calgary was right, they are everywhere. It’s actually in Chiliwack, but they run a bus service to Van every day. Only about 45 minutes. So I guess I wont make it to Van til tomorrow, but whatever. A chance to check out this city that a band named itself after. It must be good right?

Day 8 – October 8th

I’m sitting on the bus to Van, and thinkin’ that since I haven’t done much so far on this trip, that maybe I’d spend the day getting high in Stanley park, and checkin’ out the scene down there. This is gonna rock.

Downtown Van, eh? Here I am, in a Starbucks. And I’ve never seen one before, but paying 3.45 for a coffee grande latte horseshit or whatever it is(retards), rest assure that I’ll never come back in here again. ***For all the people reading this, to this day, I have yet to go back to Starbucks. One of the first life lessons I’ve learned.***Think I’ll make my way to Stanley now, I think it’s so cool how if you see the park from above, its shaped like a duck. Anyway, bye.

Found a beach, got shorts on, but not to sure about it. It may be my high talkin’, but there’s killer whales in that water. And all I keep thinkin’ is how I’ll get eaten, and they’ll make a low-budget canadian version of Jaws based around me. I know they won’t make a movie based on me, but I’d so check it out if a movie about killer whales killing was ever made. That’d rock.

Ok, now I’m sitting on a bench, and thinkin’ about how the fuck I managed to walk across this bridge, and not once noticed that I was going the wrong direction. I’m in North Van(???) and staring at downtown from across the bay. I’m either incredibly stupid, or incredibly high. Probably the latter, but hey I’m in BC. I’m allowed to be a little of both. After all, the people I’ve met here so far are either stupid or high, so I should fit in just fine. Hey horseshoe bay road sign? Wonder if that’s at all good.

Ok, found out what it is, and it’s the  ferry terminal that goes to Vancouver Island. Just called the hostel, and they’ll hold my room til I get back. I’m off to the island.

Holy shit. This place rocks. Got to see a killer whale from the safety of a big ass boat. Saw a couple of dolphins, but they aint as playful as Flipper. But then again, if I was in this water with these big fucking things, I wouldn’t be too playful either. Note to self; lay off the weed.( I love norm Macdonald).

Nice, I found a campground just outside Nanaimo that actually rents tents if you’re looking to spend a night. So I have tent up, a blow up mattress and a bunch of free firewood. If this is what people in BC do, I envy them. If not, there idiots, this is the life. So time to lay back, smoke some green, and stare into the fire. Ixnay on the fire now, its fucking me up. Been a long day, so time for sleep now, but looking forward to tomorrow, and possibly a place where I can buy some shorts, these still smell like the beach.

Day 9 – October 9th

Who would have thought that the sound of a loon quaking away at 630 am could be so soothing? It’s actually relaxin’ me. In fact, I think I almost like loons, after all, they are on the loonie. And who the fuck ever came up with that name? The loonie? Canadians rocks, and I’m gonna go find something to do cuz I’m laying here ramblin’ on in this stupid journal about canadian money. See ya soon.

Victoria is nice. I never realised how much history is here. But then again, I’m from Ontario, so really, does anything exist outside of Ontario??? Ok, I’m downtown Victoria and they have a starbucks and a timmies side by side? My choice is, you guessed it, timmies. You’re so smart journal. Whats that, lay off the weed? Fuck you too.

Ok, now on a bus back to the ferry. I didn’t see the whole island, but I saw enough to make me want to come back here again, and hopefully soon. How am I not tired of writing yet? This is definitely a fun hobbie to have. Of course, eventually i’ll have something else to occupy my mind, but for now , this does the trick. Back on the boat, and seeing the whales and such is so awesome. Back home, I’d be lucky to see a beaver or a goat, but here its ridiculously awesome at what I’m seeing.

Back at the hostel. By the time I got back to Van, I was too tired to stick around, being on my feet all day took a lot out of me. Tv’s on, but jeopardy sucks, and so does Frasier, so maybe I’ll shower and hit the sack. Can’t sleep. But the girl at front desk told me to go to a bar named Area 51. Hmmm, wonder what that’ll be like.

Its 230 am, and I’m back from the bar. Never been to a bar before, and would have much rather experienced it with friends, but whatever it was fun. Some hottie was interested in me, but as soon as I beat her ass in a game of pool, she was gone. Lesson learned; let the girl win, you have a better chance of gettin’ laid that way. 3 weeks are way too long, I’m goin back tomorrow and totally letting chicks kick my ass. On a side note, my opinion on the bar was right. I walked in and it had aliens and shit all over the place. This place clearly ain’t for the drug free minds. I gotta go back all high.

Day 12 – October 12th

Sorry I haven’t been writing to you, but I been busy, Went out for breakfast a few days ago with the girl from the front desk, and it turns out, she rocks. And is alot of fun. We ended up spending the whole day together, more so on a whim, and it was good for me. I think I’ve made my first friend here, right on. So anyway, we went up Mt. Sardis(???) and wow, just wow. Whoda thunk that sitting on top of a mountain gettin’ baked with a hottie and watchin’ the world go by could be so fun?

We made it back to area 51 and she found some ecstacy for us. Never had this drug, and I’m not one to say no. Well, ok, I’ve said no to some things.  Holy shit was ecstasy ever fun. I tripped liked a mad man and had some unbelievably great sex.  I enjoy the K back in Calgary but this is way more fun. You hallucinate and shit.

Anywho, I had a fun couple days with this girl, and she’s gonna try to get me a job at some restaurant here in town. Hey, it might suck, but it’s money. And money is good. And so is drugs. And to get drugs, I need cash, and to get cash I need a job. And I think in order to be able to make it through a workday, I’ll need drugs….Ahhhh, the circle of life. I love it.